THE WONDERFUL TALE OF DRUNKENNESS
by skulblakablodh15
Summary: the title pretty much sums it up. all our friends in a tavern, what more could you ask for?
1. Chapter 1

**What is up you guys this if my first comedy fanfic, SO NO HATIN'! **

**And also if you haven't already go check out my other story "**_**the rising"**_

**Well any ways tada!**

**Arya: really…?**

**Me: really…**

**Everyone: …**

**Eragon: awkward…**

**Me: yup…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own nuffin'**

Eragon chuckled as a drunken saphira threw another empty barrel at the wall. "Saphira? Why do you keep doing that?" "_I'm mad!_"

"At what?" asked Eragon

"She's probably mad at the barrel for not having anymore mead." Said Arya walking through the door with orik.

"_Finally someone understands!" _Saphira exclaimed in a drunken fashion.

"ARYA MY LOVE, TAKE ME TO MY ROOM FOR I AM VERY TIRED INDEED!" Eragon shouted also sounding very drunk.

Arya only sighed and sidestepped his drunken charge, rolling her eyes all the while.

There was an awkward silence as they all stared at Eragon passed out on the floor. The room remained silent until orik stated under his breath "gay baby…"

Everyone stared at orik until saphira emitted a strange throaty growl that meant she was laughing, and soon everyone started to laugh getting Eragon up from his fake drunken sleep.

"What's all this about?" asked murtagh as he strode into the room with an arm around Nassuada.

"Murtagh?! I thought you were mad at the world and wanted to drown the ocean in blood or something?!"

"Meh, I got over it." Murtagh replied in a very calm voice.

"Okay everyone, I am going to go sit at the table, come join me" said orik walking in the direction of the table.

After everyone was seated, murtagh and Nassuada started making-out, Arya sat with her head in her hands staring at the wooden grain of the table, while orik ordered everyone mead. Meanwhile Eragon stared blindly at Arya's boobs.

"_Eragon, stop staring at Arya's boobs, it's degrading."_ Stated saphira, forgetting that in her drunken state, her thoughts were cast to everyone at the table.

"YOU WERE WHAT?!" Arya screamed at Eragon, losing interest in the table's mesmerizing grain.

"I-I um…" was all Eragon able to stutter out before being blown to the side by a super-slap, from Arya.

The group erupted into laughter as Eragon got back up a pure white mark in the shape of a hand on his face, and his mouth moved 2 ½ inches to the left in a very cartoonish way. Eragon glanced at Arya and was surprised to see, not anger but a blush.

"HEY! I'M BACK, JACK!"Cried Angela, striding through the door with a fake, grey beard and a cup of tea in a weird blue material.

"What?" asked Eragon having put his face back where it should be?

"A story for another time…" replied Angela, gulping down the last of the tea and discarding the beard.

"So what are you guys, and Arya, doing?" asked Angela.

"What about me?" asked Nassuada in an annoyed voice.

"Oh sorry, Nassuada didn't see you there behind murtagh's tongue." Replied Angela, obviously very amused.

"Anyway… I was actually going to ask If you guys wanted to play a game." Said Eragon.

"What game?" asked Arya, bored.

"i… aamm … open to suggestions…" said Eragon being cut off by angela.

"Ooh, I know how about, find the vole, chicken swan dove, donkey kong, pong, jenga city,lice mice and rodent…" she kept at it for several minuts until saphira interjected with

"_how about truth or dare?"_

There was a chorus of agreements signaling for them to continue. "saphira thought of the game so she goes first" stated Eragon.

"_orik truth or dare?"_

"we haven't gone over the rules yet." stated Arya.

"_right, well the usual rules, choose truth or dare, or if you absolutely refuse to do your dare or question you can take off a piece of clothing. Now, orik, truth or dare?"_

"Dare!" orik stated grinning stupidly.

"_I dare you to… drink your mug of mead, spin twenty times on the handle of vollund, and run to the main gate and back!"_

"Very well," said orik, his face pale.

Twenty minutes later, orik returned, face red with exertion and humiliation.

He then turned to Nassuada and said "Nassuada, truth or dare?"

"Dare…" she said cautiously.

Orik smiled devilishly and said "I dare you to… kiss Eragon!"

"WHAT!?"Both Eragon and Nassuada screamed in unison.

"you heard me!" stated orik smugly.

Nassuada shot a murderous glare at orik, making him squirm, then walked over to Eragon. Eragon tried to get away but was soon pinned down by Nassuada with impressive strength.

Then their lips crashed together, making murtagh turn red instantly. Arya tried to look away, but then broke, "GET OFF MY MAN!" she shouted.

"GET OFF MY WOMAN!" shouted murtagh.

"Oops, sorry murtagh" said Nassuada ashamed.

"Am I really your man!" asked Eragon

"No" Arya said flatly "I just wanted to get the game back going"

Eragon ran o sobbing to a hallway; Arya looked guiltily at him running away. But then looked back to the disapproving faces of the rest o the table.

"that was really mean!" said Angela, angrily.

"Go say you're sorry!" commanded Nassuada.

"Never!" Arya replied stubbornly.

"fine, let's just get back to the game then." Said Nassuada faking defeat.

"Arya, truth or dare?"

"… dare…" replied Arya hesitantly.

"I dare you to kiss Eragon!" Nassuada shouted with victory.

**IF ANYONE CAN TELL ME THE REFERENCE ANGELA MAKES ON HER ENTRANCE YOU WIN A NNEEEEWWW CAAAARRR **(NEW CAR NOT INCLUDED)


	2. unexpected visitors

**Me: Okay before you shout at me **

**I'm sorry… okay you can shout at me**

**Everyone: YOU SUCK!**

**Me: sorry I been busy with my other story 'the rising' and my finals and crap like that **

**Arya: I hate you!**

**Me: I thought you lovs me?**

**Arya: meh…**

**Ajihad: It's cool brah sheel come 'round**

**Everyone: I thought you were dead?!**

**Ajihad: meh…**

**Me: Chapter two!**

"What did you say!" growled Arya

"Uuum… that you…have... to go… kiss…Eragon." said Nassuada "nice, elf, lady."

Arya sighed and said "I'll get you back for this, but now I have to go carry out my dare."

With that she got up and started walking casually down the hall, she saw Eragon and kissed him they just kissed until she heard a hoot from behind Eragon. She opened her eyes to see Roran and Katrina laughing their heads off.

"Where did they come from!?" screeched Arya her cheeks going redder than ever before.

"I found them in one of the back rooms… putting their, cloths, back, on." Eragon said the last part with a strange look on his face. Katrina blushed and giggled lightly, while whispering something to Roran. Roran smiled slyly and walked into a dark room. After some sounds of someone moving furniture, he returned.

Arya and Eragon looked at him questioningly and he hot them a look that said 'stop staring at me retards!'

Turning Eragon said "we should probably go back to the table," everyone followed him back, and when he reached the room murtagh stood instantly.

"Did you do it?" the question was directed to Arya.

"yes." He replied flatly, glaring at Nassuada.

"I'll need a firsthand account; you would definitely lie to keep from having to do something like that!" announced orik, an evil grin on his face. "Roran, would you be so kind as to supply that information?" he said winking to Eragon's cousin.

Roran smiled wolfishly and replied "all I saw Arya do was walk in the room and ask how we got here." Roran said, his stupid grin never leaving his face.

Arya's face was that of panic, but then she turned to Roran and gave him a look that said 'i. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.'

Roran let out a strange high-pitched squeal and ducked behind a passed out saphira. Eragon couldn't help but laugh at his cousin's reaction, as did everyone else, except Arya. And Katrina.

When everyone had calmed down, every eye in the room was fixed on Eragon and Arya. Arya shot Nassuada a murderous glare, making her gulp. She slowly leaned into Eragon's lips, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he slowly, tentatively, moved his hands to her waist.

Having lost all coherent thought and reasoning, or sense of self preservation, Eragon squeezed her ass. Arya instantly snapped out of her trance, and jumped halfway to the ceiling screeching a high-pitched squeal, almost as little girl-ish as the one from Roran. When she reached the floor again she slapped Eragon, not lightly but not as hard as before. Before he had time to recover and move his head back forward, Arya grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him very quickly.

To say that those seated at the table were shocked was an understatement. Then out of nowhere clapping was heard, everyone turned to see Lirothaen and Annari standing in the doorway, grinning wildly. "What are you doing here?! It's, like, a hundred years before your born!" Eragon exclaimed.

Lirothaen chuckled and said "actually, it's a hundred and twenty six years before I'm born. Get your math right, dad. Before you ask, and I'm sure you will, I have no idea how I got here. I woke up in a _really_ dark room that had like a bunch of stone coffins in it. I was about to leave when I heard someone screaming in one of em'. I opened it and there was an old black guy in really fancy cloths screaming bloody murder…" Lirothaen was cut off by Nassuada standing and screaming.

**AN**

**Sorry for the racist joke, jus' had to do it.**

"What! That's my dad! Where is he?!" she screamed.

"Uh, he's like right behind us, don't know why he's takin' so long. Oh and I think he completely lost it in that tomb, he's got like these little drums, a weird headband, and he talks crazy."Lirothaen said.

Nassuada rushed out the door, and a few minutes later returned with Ajihad. True to Lirothaen's word he had a small bongo drum trapped around his neck, a striped headband with long dreads hanging wildly down his head, and he did talk funny. _Very_ funny.

"Hey, Eragon! Long time no see, Mon. There are a lot of tings we need to talk about."

"Like what?" Eragon asked in awe.

"Like why we haven't started playing the game again, Mon!" answered Ajihad, merrily.

"Yes, why have we not started playing again… Mon?" asked murtagh playfully.

Nassuada shot him a glare for making fun of her dad, but both murtagh and Ajihad didn't seem to notice.

"What game?" asked Annari and Lirothaen in unison.

"Truth or dare!" crowed Angela happily.

"Uuuuugggggggghhhhh! hat game is _evil_! But I'll play" said Lirothaen, looking puppy-dog eyes at Annari.

She cursed under her breath and said "fine but don't do the puppy-dog eyes at me ever again!" Lirothaen smiled lovingly at her and quickly kissed her cheek, earning an 'aaawwww' from the people at the table.

When they all sat down (the order was Eragon, Arya, Lirothaen, Annari, orik, murtagh, Nassuada, Ajihad, Angela, Katrina, and Roran.) Arya called "alright, Ajihad, truth or dare?" she asked excitedly.

"Aawww, mon, I choose the dare mon!" he replied in his hilarious accent.

Arya appeared thoughtful for a moment then her face lit up "I dare you to stand on the table and sing thrift shop!"

After a few minute of song Ajihad climbed down from the table. _Everyone_ was laughing. Eragon was slamming his head on the table clutching his sides to keep them from imploding. Arya was on the floor tears streaming from her eyes, small puddles forming by her chin. Nassuada was standing behind her chair doubled over and slapping her knee, while she laughed furiously.

Orik being the first to stop laughing said "that was… the funniest…thing I've seen since…Roran's squeal!" exclaimed orik between giggles.

After several minutes the group stopped giggling, and Ajihad said "orik, mon, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" he answered immediately.

Ajihad got an evil grin and orik visibly paled.

**What should orik's dare be?**

**You decide!**

**Epic rap battles o… epic tale of drunkenness!**

**And don't forget to review!**


End file.
